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Published Thursday, November 05, 2009 in Opinion

Good looks can produce bad results

I've never watched the hit TV show "Ugly Betty." But I've seen enough commercials to know that Ugly Betty really isn't. Actress America Ferrera may not be super hot, but she's way above room temperature.

Which means that if she ran for office, Ferrera would win by a landslide based on her looks alone.

History doesn't lie. Ever since Richard Nixon and John Kennedy held the first televised presidential debate, American voters have made it clear that when it comes to choosing "leaders," the most attractive candidate generally wins.

This was proved again in 2008 when John McCain's aging aura (plus some lousy policies) sent him crashing to defeat against a good-looking young guy that a year earlier few Americans had even heard of.

There are exceptions. Former presidential candidate John Edwards is cute as a bug, but voters treated this glamor boy like garbage when Edwards tried to justify an adulterous affair by saying he only cheated when his wife's cancer was in remission.

On the other hand, when it comes to creating popularity, massive media exposure counts as much as decent looks. Case in point, global fertility queen Octomom, who gained fame and fortune for birthing eight babies in one batch.

Today, she has people fighting over book and movie rights to her story. In an earlier era she'd be lucky to rate a mention in Modern Ovary or Brood Mare Illustrated.

Things have been that way for as long as I can remember. Or at least since I ran for president of the Royal Ambassadors group at church.

Since this was in Louisiana, where politics at any level is life or death, my opponent, Paul Smith (not his real name), did his best to buy the election. He used toothpicks.

Every Sunday, Paul's pop took him to breakfast at the Bentley Hotel in downtown Alexandria. Paul came to Sunday school loaded with individually-wrapped toothpicks bearing the Bentley crest. He passed them around and we all enjoyed them.

Before the election, Paul doubled up on toothpicks but couldn't overcome the dental setback caused by the fact that both his front teeth hadn't shown up. Despite better hair (and toothpicks), Paul's smile was a political liability and I won a squeaker.

But even though I have personally benefited from being temporarily better-looking than a campaign opponent, I'm ready for the kind of change President Obama didn't mention during the campaign.

Back when photography was in its infancy and TV and the Internet were the stuff of science fiction, the American people didn't know what political candidates looked like.

We chose leaders with the best ideas, not the best hairdo or manicure. Which is the only way to explain the election of Abraham Lincoln.

Even his mama would admit Lincoln was one of the homeliest men who ever walked the fruited plain. Thankfully, most voters didn't know it until after he was elected. Today, the man who held this nation together through its darkest hour couldn't win a runoff against Paris Hilton for dogcatcher. That needs to change.

When it comes to politics, I'm ready for things to get ugly again. And I mean the people, not the campaigns.

After four decades of vanity voting we've seen what happens when good-looking but clueless princes and princesses try to run things.

Let's give the frogs like Abe Lincoln another chance. Things can't get any worse, can they?

(send your e-mail comments to: alex@newnan.com )

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